Generosity towards others is one marker of a life well lived and can also bring you great joy. This stretches beyond just finances – generosity can be cultivated in all of your life by learning principles that can guide you. In this study we examine 7 such principles and reflect on what it means to be generous.
Prepared by Steven Moe
Seeds Podcast Host
Head of Impact Team at Parry Field Lawyers
March 2025
stevenmoe@parryfield.com
Connect on LinkedIn here
“What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Introduction
When I moved to Japan at age 21 I went to Osaka and knew literally no one. A very kind couple named Akihiko and Mikiko Nishiguchi took me in and let me stay in their tiny apartment, they helped me find somewhere to live, they helped me get the essentials for life there like a rice cooker, futon bed, set up a bank account – a true challenge for a Gaijin/Foreigner. They went above and beyond in helping me and I learned a great deal from them. Their example taught me a lot about helping and welcoming others.
I wonder if you could close your eyes please. I want you to spend a moment, distraction free, and I want you to imagine the most generous person you know. Bring their face to mind. Now I want you to think of who they are and what makes them different. Now I want you to call to mind some examples of how they have been generous to you or others. We will come back to this later.
We are going to be considering generosity and what it means for each of us – something which is very counter to the spirit of this age which is about a consumer mentality and looking after ourselves as individuals and acquiring more and more.
If you get an increase in salary then suddenly there is more to spend – often times our budgets expand to match those increases. When Rockefeller, the richest man at the time, was asked if he had enough his answer was – “just a little bit more”. When asked how much it would take to make you happy the average amount people say is “about 10%”.
I think if we are all honest with each other – particularly after Christmas time and all the shopping for presents, that we can identify this deeply rooted in ourselves as well. It is part of the culture that we find ourselves in, it is part of the air we breathe.
For the past 8 years I have been hosting a podcast called Seeds (www.theseeds.nz) where I talk for an hour with inspiring people. This week will be episode 432 so that is now a lot of conversations. What I have learned is that there are two key features across the guests.
• The first is they are all curious – they are interested in others and hungry to learn more.
• The second is that they are all generous with their time and their energy. They give to others if they are asked and they support others – and they are by and large happy and fulfilled.
This is backed up by research. A study in 2018 at UC Berkely looked at the science of generosity and concluded this: “Giving social support—time, effort, or goods—is associated with better overall health in older adults, and volunteering is associated with delayed mortality”.
So this topic is actually going to be good for you!
The context for me is writing this over summer while hanging out with starry skies, walking in refreshing rain and jumping into cold rivers this summer break. I’m also contemplating the fact none of us are here forever as my Aunt Jo passed just before Christmas. She lived a long life and it was the right time for her, but it makes me pause and consider things like what truly matters.
Change is a certainty: who are you becoming?
I’m really grateful to be part of this community and reflect often on its past, present and its future.
As individuals we can always change and embrace new ways of being. Who you are in 5 years will be different – for either positive or negative – than who you are today. So who will you become and who and what are you letting shape that?
As individuals we are different how to how we were in the past – each of us is in a continual process of change.
You are changing too – I am changing as well – who are we becoming? Will we choose to grow into a generosity mindset or a consumer mindset?
A Community of Growth
When we do that change process collectively and together on a particular topic, the culture of our whole community might just change as well.
That’s why today our topic is so important because if we could really and truly get this right and understand it then that would have a transformational effect. It would impact on how we treat each other, and also collectively how we are in this place towards others we meet in the supermarket, at Kindy, at school and everywhere else as well.
Today we are looking at 7 key principle to guide your living a generous life. Not in an abstract way but in a very practical way.
It’s a little bit like a magic eye puzzle – there is another dimension to what can be seen. If we understand the principles then we might see that new way of being.
A generosity in our whole of life
Let’s be very clear about one thing to start.
Generosity is a lot more than just money and giving financially.
In fact that is just one outworking of a generous life.
It’s about an approach to life where you proactively look out for opportunities to serve others. That is really a mindset shift.
That might involve considering money and how you use it but it also might relate to how you use your time, where you spend your energy, your creativity, mentoring others and practising hospitality. So don’t think this talk is about finances as that is just one aspect.
The key point is that it is possible to develop a mindset of generosity that looks for opportunities to serve others.
Please understand one thing. I have not perfected these, but like one beggar telling another beggar where they found bread, I want to share them with you.
The poet Robert Frost once wrote:
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence.
Two roads diverged in a wood and I,
I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference.”
Today I’d encourage you to choose the path of generosity.
The 7 Key Principles
1. Nothing we have is really ours anyway
Guess what, you will not be here in 100 years’ time. Everything you have will be stripped away.
We are simply stewards of the resources of time, money and energy that we have.
How we use what we have been given is our chance to either live into a spirit of generosity, or not.
Application: The question is how we use what we have – money is an obvious one to consider (but not the only way to be generous). Have you considered putting some money aside into a bank account so it is ready to be used for good?
2. Cultivate the right attitude
What sort of mindset do you have.
A scarcity mindset sees the world as being a place where there is not enough – you have to look after number 1. You need to watch out, because the world is dangerous. This mindset may have come from trauma or negative experiences and you might need to work through how it has developed in that way for you.
By contrast, an abundance mindset sees the world as a place where there is enough, and you will be provided for (assuming you work hard). If we adopt this mindset then we might have less cause to worry.
As part of the talk I gave an illustration of this which can be viewed as a video.
Application: A question to consider, which is raised by John Mark Comer. If you had absolute assurance that you would be provided with enough, then how would that change your mindset when it comes to generosity?
3. Practise a posture of generosity
This flows from the last one but it involves watching and listening out for opportunities to be generous. I went with my son to watch a cricket match and he went up to get some signatures at the end from the players but was nervous. Joss who was with us and stood by him and made sure he felt safe (see picture). Simple, but an example of a generous attitude and approach of helping others.
This comes back to the mindset and being aware and watching for opportunities to help others.
Application: Listen closely to what is inside you, the inner promptings. Be watching out for chances to help others and be generous.
4. This goes far beyond just money
Money is one aspect of generosity and it can be a way to think about generosity.
Hospitality is a word we do not use much – in Te Reo Māori there is a beautiful word which embodies it – Manaakitanga, which refers to hospitality and generosity and the practice of showing kindness, respect, and support to guests and visitors.
Other examples of this: Perhaps being rich is not in acquiring much, but in having reduced needs? What if as your income grew you stayed on the same budget from before?
And what does it mean to truly listen to another human being? When did we last really deeply listen to others and not wait for a chance to interject with our thoughts? To be present and focussed on them and give them attention – that too is a form of generosity.
Application: I’d encourage you to view your home, your kitchen, your dining room area as a place to welcome people and have deep conversations. It doesn’t involve a massive amount of work – one of our favourite ways is to pick up some bread and a hot chicken from Woolworths and invite people over. Why not try it?
5. It’s not about you
A generosity mindset sees us focussing on others first – looking to be a servant leader where we can. Remember you are the leader of at least one person, yourself.
One aspect of this may be unexpected but it is Forgiveness – that is also a type of giving. Look at the middle of that word: Forgiveness.
If someone says something that you could interpret as a slight or take offense at, take a breath and think generously. Interpret things in the way that gives them the benefit of the doubt.
Application: If someone has done something that hurt you, consider forgiving them and allowing yourself to move on from that and not hold onto it with bitterness growing.
6. Err on the side of generosity
If you are unsure if you should be generous and how much you should give, round up rather than down.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.”
Application: If you are going to give a cause $10 consider giving them $20…
7. Give, and it will be given to you
There is a final principle which is that those who are generous often will also receive from having been generous.
The positive results of being generous include a large sense of satisfaction that comes from helping others.
Mahatma Gandhi said: “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
Application: In this coming week set aside say $5 and consider who you can be generous with that amount. That might be buying someone else a coffee. Or it could be $50 or $500, but whatever it is get in a consistent pattern and mindset of looking for who you could help.
So those are some principles that may help you cultivate a generous life. Two additional points:
• Be on your guard. Some people will simply take and take. You need to have discretion over whether someone is simply taking advantage of your generosity – talk with someone you trust about it if you think that is what is going on.
• This is not actually a form of prosperity doctrine where the real motivation for being generous is greed ie you get more if you give more away. This is about a real transformation so that the motivation is correct and your heart is changed – you are generous for the right reasons.
Conclusion
I want you to close your eyes and think back and imagine again the most generous person you know.
Now I want you to think about their happiness level.
More likely than not, they have real joy. Am I right?
The challenge here is:
- Each of us are becoming someone – choose to live into an abundance mindset which has generosity at its core.
- Be proactive – look out for opportunities to be generous and serve others by practising the principles in this paper.
By cultivating a generous spirit you will receive as much as you give.
What do you agree with, what would you add to this? Why not talk about it with someone and see what they think of all this.
If we do this well then as individuals we will become more generous and as a community we will as well.
Let’s try it out!
LinkedIn Wisdom from others
Several people had helpful comments on this topic when I shared about it, such as:
Meryll Waters: Approach all people with kindness – you never know what journey they are travelling!!
Annemarie Mora: For me it is about putting ‘fear’ in perspective. Fear is often used by politicians and institutions to discourage creative or new ways of thinking or acting. Cultivating a generous life can help to subvert the dominant paradigm.
For example, I was nervous (a bit fearful) about changing my super provider to one that has a bigger focus on creating impact – would this mean less superannuation for me? But a ‘generous life’ approach is to focus instead on the greater good that my new superannuation provider does using a different approach – investing in social housing, donating to charities etc. And I’ll still have a good financial return.
Kirsty O’Hara:
• To give without expecting anything in return is to live generously.
• Another thought that pops to mind, is to live generously may mean reframing success.
Patricia Mackenzie: The concept of the “infinite mindset” championed by Simon Sinek could be really useful here too!
Josie Fitzhugh: Living generously is also about who we are being, in a moment. Can we create the conditions to truly listen to another, to give them the gift of having felt seen and heard?
Rachael Inch: I constantly do practice give what you get, maybe my upbringing of do unto as you would have them do to you…. but most of all living generously means that it will be ok everything comes back to me and whatever I give out helps others in some way – even if it is disruption and challenging! It will still help because we cant hear what’s happening in the corners if we don’t tune in! 🙂 this post about generosity really resonates. The living part … well .. we are still breathing today.
Kelly O’Malley: Be grateful, live modestly, we do have enough. And I would love a copy of your paper when finished. Super thanks.
Jenny Collings: A generous life is a life of love. I remember being taught two key principles about love as a child: 1. Love is a decision and 2. Love isn’t love until you give it away. Determining to share love with others in practical ways by generously giving hospitality, time, a listening ear and practical assistance (in the form of deeds and dollars) is key to cultivating a generous life. 1 John 4:7-21 in the Bible is worth checking out for commentary on the source of this love, our interdependance on God and one another. All the best with the paper and I look forward to reading!
